Saying “nope.”

I have this fantasy.

Stick with me, here.

It involves having an automated email response set up for one whole day, the kind that knows how to accept emails I’m excited to get from family, friends, and work ops that’d be fulfilling, and filter out the multitude which are weird, offensive, stupid, unpaid, unpaid AND unethical, ask for my help getting the unpaid and unethical stuff “to the right department,” or follow up to my “that won’t work/that’s not a good fit/thank you anyhow” responses with “well, if/when you change your mind…”

My email response will just be an automated “Nope.” Or “Nah.” (I almost led with “can’t,” but that’s untruthful. I “could.” But I won’t.)

“Won’t.”

“Nope.”

I wouldn’t lead in with a “thanks” or a “sorry if I…” or even end with a smiley face. Not even once.

It would probably kill about 90% of my ability to be paid over the next three months, but it would feel so good.

SO.

GOOD.

At least for that day.

At least for as long as I could cozy up in the knowledge that a really, really sweet automated response was out there in the world being fantastically aggressive for me.

Sigh.

***IMPORTANT EDIT***

Yesterday, mere seconds after typing this out, I received a call from the school nurse.

Nora needed me.

Like, Nora really needed me.

Within moments of getting her home, I cancelled a meeting, a phone interview, a review for later that night, and one babysitter for a highly anticipated evening out.

“Nope” messages, all.

THAT’S NOT EVEN REMOTELY WHAT I MEANT, UNIVERSE.

(…But, you know, the world didn’t crumble. Not even a little bit.)

Life lessons, you guys.

(Sigh.)