Superpowers. We all have ’em, even if you were previously unaware of your own superbness. Unfortunately, they’re not all crazy-marketable skills. In fact, some are downright useless. I’ll share a few of mine:
Useless Awesome Superpower: Lip-reading.
Why it’s awesome: Due to childhood hearing issues, I became quite good at reading lips across rooms. The ability to know what everyone’s saying? World domination!
Why it’s useless: It really only works for folks whose speech patterns I’m already superbly familiar with. And these days it rarely comes up, as P.J. is either speaking a) directly to me in our home, or b) muttering to himself in a corner of our home- in which case I’d rather not be privy to that stream of consciousness.
Useless Awesome Superpower: Extreme sensitivity to latex and chili peppers. But not together. (Actually, I don’t know.)
Why it’s awesome: The only scenario I can think of where these allergies would be useful is in a bizarre fear of Poisoning By Pepper, where some high-ranking official would need me to sniff out even the tracest amount of paprika. Or maybe the National Vinyl League (Not A Thing) wants to make a power play for the medical glove and surgical instrument industry, hiring me as their villainess (with a heart of gold) to sabotage something or other…oh, I’d be so terrible at that I can’t even hypothesize.
Why it’s useless: Especially in the case of the latex one, there are zero perks. In fact, that one has been hindering me at every turn since I had braces put on in the fifth grade.
Also- disguise. And sidekick selection.
Useless Awesome Superpower: Ability to sense even the tiniest of rodents in an abode.
Why it’s awesome: Wow, there’s no hiding from ME, little mouse! I’m onto you! I’m smarter than you! Speed-dial the exterminator, because-
Why it’s useless: -OH MY GOD, WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ONE TO FIND THESE THINGS, MY SKIN IS CRAWLING OFF OF MY FAAACE…
Useless Awesome Superpower: Encyclopedic knowledge of plot points for Quantum Leap, Highlander, and Law & Order episodes (sans SVU, because- gross).
Why it’s awesome: I don’t know, maybe because that sort of brilliance proves itself handy each and every day?
Why it’s useless: ……..
I’ll just let you ponder that last one for a while. (I know. I’m stumped, too. THERE ARE SO MANY DAILY APPLICATIONS.)
Now it’s your turn- what’s your useless awesome superpower? Lemme know below. But don’t steal mine.
Actually, please do.
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