Now, I know I’m not exactly a coal miner, nor is it my task to break boulders into smaller boulders…but occasionally, my day devolves into Not Quite So Easy.
For example.
Did you know that a freshly mopped floor is a magnet for pee? It just is. It begs for the chance to insufficiently catch (an improbable amount of) bodily fluids from a shockingly small person. “It’s been a minute and a half,” the floor seems to say. “I’m bored! Where’s my streak of Greek yogurt? Why is there a decided lack of cat hair sticking to my surfaces? Where is the pee?” YOUR WISH IS GRANTED, Momentarily Clean Floor.
And, back in the day, I used to possess a crazy fear of going to the dentist. (Which is why my patient friend Nat used to drive me to the ‘burbs to see his dentist- and then bribe me with Mexican food to not escape to the parking lot. But that’s a whole ‘nother post.) These days, I don’t have the Dentist Fear- because I don’t have the solo brain space time. Yesterday afternoon I had to have a cavity filled. And distract my three smallish children while getting Novocaine in my face. And keep them from wandering off while a drilled went all bzzzzzzrrrrprrrrrrttttttr in my nerves. It was- in a word- magical.
I think that kind of experience should be incorporated into Lamaze classes, high school Sex Ed., and be penned in legibly sized lettering on the side of a box of contraceptives.
(Funny story: the cavity was discovered after I showed up to retrieve my new retainers and my dentist’s office was filming a promo for Yelp. He asked if the kids and I wanted to be featured patients- sure! So, while on camera, he poked around in my mouth and pretended to look for cavities. And found a cavity. NOT COOL.)
The trifecta of yesterday’s spectacularness was the discovery that the e-pub book for Expecting: A Year of Fixing Up and Breaking Down didn’t jive with Kindle. You know, the traditional e-reader? The one that’s become the verb of e-reading, the Kleenex of facial tissue, if you will? Can’t read my book on it. (The Kindle, that is. You’re expecting an awful lot from your Kleenex.) That said, the Amazon version will be up in a couple of weeks. And that that said, I have a way of getting around the e-reader glitch. If you’ve bought one (and I hope you have/will!), please either email me or leave your addy in the comments and WE WILL GET YOU ELECTRONICALLY READING, YA HEAR?
I love you all from the tip of my numbed-up jaw to the bottom of my sticky foot. (Come on, you guys. AGAIN? The toilet is RIGHT THERE.)
On another note, here’s a picture of my sister’s face on the side of a building. She (and the rest of the cast of Heathers the Musical) got to ring the NASDAQ bell this morning.
It’s like we’re living the same life, you guys.
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