On Monday, I decided to embark on a brand new diet. Ever since Jasper was born three months ago, I’ve felt a little…not great. First there were all the Christmas goodies…then New Year’s goodies…then yeah, it’s the middle of January goodies…then that whole sale on chocolate hearts as big as your face (yes, I held one up to my face before consuming it)…then, before I knew it, the first vestiges of spring and warmth came around.
And that’s when I realized that my body and skin and hair and system felt kinda gross. And momentarily leaving aside the factor of a newborn, the demands of two bigger kids, the stress of pretending that my freelance career was unaffected, and the nebulous concept of sleep (because seriously, even on the awesome nights where I don’t see Jasper until dawn, we occasionally have a toddler mashing her face into mine, a preschooler wanting to talk about her Feelings, and at least one member of this marriage snoring like barges require his foghorn-esque services to keep from crashing into rocky embankments)…even without those things, I’ve decided to focus on diet.
But Keely, you say. You’re nursing! The baby needs the extra calories! Which is undoubtedly true.
We wouldn’t be having this conversation, however, if my gazillion calories were coming from broiled halibut and steamed greens. Which- real talk- they weren’t.
Me, in 2004, still with no natural cut-off. Kinda like a puppy.
I knew I couldn’t cut out too many grains. Or dairy. Protein, either. And forget about veggies and fruit, I need those. So, my new diet is one I call Don’t Eat Fistfuls of Chocolate Chips Four Times A Day. It’s revolutionary, I know.
It’s been four days of no ice cream, no bags of chips eaten over the sink, and no candy snuck from the bag in the laundry room which we’ve been telling ourselves we’d return SINCE HALLOWEEN.
And guess what? Even in that short amount of time, my jeans fit a little more loosely.
That could also be because I’ve been wearing this pair of jeans for four straight days and they’ve stretched out a tad.
Clearly, I’m Life Coach material.
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