I have a confession to make.
I’m being stalked.
By a magazine.
Now, I don’t know what I did to attract the attentions of this certain magazine. I’ve never given them any indication that I was their target demographic. I’ve never clicked through on an online link. And I certainly have never subscribed to the darned thing.
And the worst part? It’s not Martha Stewart Living. It’s not Vogue. (It’s not even Teen Vogue.)
It’s Taste of Home Magazine. And they are RELENTLESS. It all started with this:
-Whoa whoa whoa, I don’t need an account number. Because I do not want/have an “account.”
SoI hit “unsubscribe.” A lot. This was in 2011. I sent emails to customer care. Nice ones. And then I sent more emails to customer care. Not so nice ones. I never even got one reply.
I started to realize that, not only were they ignoring my requests, they didn’t even know WHOM they were ignoring. Proof:
Beverly? BEVERLY?
Eventually my emails to Taste of Home consisted solely of one-liners stating I AM NOT BEVERLY. (I must have sounded insane. If anyone were reading and/or listening.)
Then Taste of Home just started getting mean:
No! NO! Do not send me that cookbook. Do not apologize for not sending me a cookbook, I do not want your forthcoming cookbook!
I set up a spam filter for their customer care email address, as well as their “info” one and, frankly, any subsequent followup emails. But I think they’re on to me, setting up and disabling email accounts like the Nigerian phishing scheme that they are.
I don’t know what they want from me- aside from my Easiest One-Pot Meal Reader Tip. (And I ain’t giving that one away, no sir.)
I’m almost ready to set a spam filter for the word “Beverly.”
And I’m sure that by mentioning Taste of Home as many times as I just have, I’ve put myself on their “renew for life” list. Oh well. Maybe I’ll get a tote bag out of it or something.
Personalized for Beverly.
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