And now, for your Monday reading enjoyment, I present to you:
The Keeliest Thing I’ve Ever Done.
Our story starts on Thursday afternoon, right when the girls and I pulled into the garage after gymnastics class. As I parked, I thought I spied a grasshopper to the side of the car; as I opened the backseat doors to free my various children I affirmed that, yes, a cute little grasshopper was by one of the tires. However, by the time both gymnasts were unbuckled, the grasshopper was nowhere to be seen. I was slightly bummed, and my girls had yet another chance to wonder if everything I said was a lie.
The next morning was Susannah’s 2nd birthday- and kind of a frantic start to the day at that. Between the birthday breakfast, present-opening, present-playing, preschool-readying, and more than a few loud announcements of Okay, Mom Really Does Have A Doctor’s Appointment In Less Than An Hour, the routine was a little rushed- and the drive to preschool drop-off was a tad faster than I generally allow. (So was the unbuckling, unloading, walking-in, kissing on a random part of Nora’s head, loading of the Zu back into the car, and zipping towards the highway- the easiest and straightest shot downtown to my 28 week checkup.)
But a few blocks before the entrance to I-90/94, I noticed something. Or someone. Specifically, a small, terrified grasshopper clinging to the outside of my windshield and staring me directly in the eye as if to say “My, but we’re driving a little fast this morning, yes?”
I felt a lot of emotions. Surprisingly, the one that topped the list was guilt. After all, I had practically invited him into my car, what with the whole “Girls, come look at this awesome grasshopper” thing I had done. Secondly, maybe in my hurry to get to school I hadn’t allowed the grasshopper ample opportunity to disembark from my car. And what, I was just gonna let him get blown off the car on the highway to be trampled under four lanes of traffic? That is not the kind of birthday karma I wish to present to the universe in front of my daughter.
‘Cause I am superstitious.
So I stopped the car at the next red light. Got [waddled] out, grabbed the grasshopper, put him on the seat next to me, thoroughly confused the cars next to me, and buckled myself in- all before the light turned green.
Zu was thrilled. But it was then that I realized our next stop was going to be a hospital parking garage. AND I WASN’T EXACTLY GONNA EVICT HIM THERE. I mean, talk about your Out Of The Frying Pan-type scenario.
So we kept him in the car. (Clinging to the inside of the window like perhaps his situation hadn’t greatly improved.) The appointment ran late, and Zuzu and I had just enough time to zip back up the highway to Nora’s school with a few minutes to spare.
I told him we’d be right back.
We returned with Nora and two of her classmates- whom Susannah had excitedly told about the grasshopper “…in da CAR!” After a little while of enduring the four girls’ squeals of excitement and their “gentlest” squishes, I rescued him again and placed him on a nearby tree. (It’s only a couple of miles from his former neighborhood. The settling-in process shouldn’t be too trying for him.)
But, after his morning, part of me wonders if he’d have preferred to be offed in traffic.
***
And now, a shortish list of places where your favorite slacktacular blogger has been complaining about things (since last Monday):
I channeled (poor, poor, poor) Circa 2003 Keely on Tuesday in my review of the new Visa Prepaid Debit Card.
Wednesday was a collection of photos depicting our monkey child being monkeyriffic.
On Thursday, I wrote a love letter to Suzy Q to commemorate the 2nd anniversary of our family getting really, really noisy.
And Friday brought a new article over at Chicago Parent– a lovely list of ways I’m depressing and disappointing my children due to this pregnancy.
It also brought cupcakes. Lots of cupcakes.
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