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| You know, just hanging at Alcatraz. |
Today is my darling husband Peej’s 30th birthday. And since he makes the other 364 days so nice for me, I thought I’d return the favor by detailing why he’s the greatest thing since sliced cinnamon raisin bread.
In list form.
30. P.J. mixes a mean cocktail; Moscow Mules, Hot Todgers, Painkillers, Sidecars…and he’ll even share them.
29. I’ve seen him look equally as good (really, really good) wearing a cowboy hat, a three-piece Calvin Klein suit, and a pair of corduroys with ducks on them.
28. Despite having an addiction (since high school) to chocolate malts, beef jerky, and barbecue chips- sometimes allllll together- he doesn’t seem to gain any weight. This is maddening.
27. He once visited the town of Pisa by train, determining well before his arrival that the only thing there he wished to see was The Leaning Tower Of. His train arrived. He jumped off. Asked a tourist to take the mandatory photo of him “holding up” the tower. Ran back to the train and caught it before it left the station. This is true.
26. He has songs for Nora, songs for Susannah, and songs for me. He makes playlists, sings to unborn babies in bellies, and slow-dances in the kitchen. He has music on his phone, his computer, his stereo, and coming out of his guitar. And if he doesn’t have access to any of those, he’s most likely singing to himself.
25. On that note, on a Valentine’s Day a few years back, I tried to surprise him by putting a new playlist of love songs on his iPod for the morning commute. I instead successfully wiped his iPod. He still managed to find the gesture charming.
24. When P.J. says “I’ve Got This,” rest assured it’ll be taken care of. (Also, bring along a good periodical. For no one will leave the house until This has been Gotten.)
23. Despite being a Dog Person, he has so fully embraced the idea of my two cats that, since moving in together five and a half years ago, he has [easily] convinced them to like him better.
22. If there is a dish more insanely wonderful than his Spaghetti Carbonara, I don’t think I could handle it.
21. Upon returning home each night, he immediately strips down to an undershirt. He knows that, within moments, he will be wearing whatever his daughter has eaten/played with/inadvertently brought in from the outdoors. He’s totally cool with this.
20. No matter the city, country, or method of travel, he is never lost. Rome, the Midwest, Virgin Gorda, Cape Cod…he never falters in knowing exactly what transit stop or exit to take. This is especially true- and embarrassing- when his knowledge trumps mine in my hometown.
19. He is full of surprises. Like, who knew he had it in him to kill a rat with his bare hands? (Okay, he wore gloves.)
18. Our neighbors are slowly coming around to the idea that white people are not all bad. This is due entirely to P.J. and his intense efforts of neighborliness: picking up trash, learning other languages, and mowing adjacent lawns.
17. He’ll cheerfully acknowledge all of his toddler’s trolls and ponies by name. (And those names? They were given by his wife when she was a nine year old girl. So these are pretty darned important- and set in stone- names.)
16. Lest you think this makes him less of a man, he also knows a shocking amount of gangsta rap. I’m pretty sure this is just to bust out a parties with a surprising amount of lyrical accuracy.
15. He’s pretty good at breaking up street fights and warning off hoodlums. (Of course, he’s also been known to be the cause of a few of these kerfuffles…)
14. He’s an eye-poppingly talented actor He has this one monologue that makes me bawl like a child. Seriously. Even mentioning it now has me tearing up. Moving on.
13. P.J. does not have an ex-girlfriend who bears him any ill will. At all. How do I know this? Because every single place we’ve ever gone together, a gal will pop out of nowhere, all smiles and hugs, and declare him to be THE NICEST GUY EVER. DON’T YOU LOVE HIM?! I’m fairly certain that, were we to one day travel to the moon, his second grade girlfriend would arrive at the same time and have only good things to say about him.
12. P.J. is ridonkulously patient. This has become more obvious with the additions of a Determined Wife, two Spunky Children, and a House That Threatens To Fall Down Around His Very Head. Add to these a Real Job, a Large and Crazy Extended Family, a Theatre Career, and- when we allow him to leave- a Penchant For Running. (But- not to the best of my knowledge- Away.)
11. He can grow/keep anything alive. This applies to children, pets, and neglected houseplants. Also vegetables, lawns, rosebushes, and Roth IRAs. Unfortunately, this gift also extends to that pesky crabgrass. (He WILL get you.)
10. He has the widest, best, and most genuine smile anyone will ever see, ever. (Anywhere.)
9. He is Midwestern, through and through, and really prefers “the lake.” But he’s also totally on board with the idea of “the ocean” these days as well.
8. He is a Mama’s boy. But he is not obnoxious about it.
7. This guy willingly wakes up at bizarre hours to change his newborn and hand her off to his wife- a deed made all the more impressive by the fact that there is NO biological necessity for this choice.
6. P.J. apologizes first, which is not always a good thing in a fight- especially when the other party really wants to Get Her Mad On. But I’m pretty sure it’s an amazing[ly foreign] trait to have.
5. And he listens. Even when you think he’s isn’t. And he stores that knowledge away for a long time, then surprises you one day with the perfect gift or a recitation of a conversation you thought had gone largely ignored. And then it’s utterly impossible to think such things like- Oh, he never listens to me.
4. But he’s a gracious winner.
3. Have you seen his movie collection? It’s an unreal conglomeration of classics, questionables, and cult favorites. He may have also recently made room for Rainbow Brite and The Star Stealer for a special little lady. (His wife.)
2. Dude can dance. Ask him sometime about Voting For Pedro.
1. Without him, my life wouldn’t be a shadow of how wicked it is- nor would I have gotten to meet these two miniature gals who share his smile. That alone makes me thank the stars, and our Moms, and random auditions…
We love you to the moon, P.J.
(And back.)
(Happy 30th.)
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