I need answers. P.J. told me that there’s a lake under the Great Pyramid that’s being explored. Why is this the first I’m hearing of it? This is exactly the kind of thing that I can get behind. I mean, I knew that the Great Pyramid was built on the exact spot that’s considered the center of all land masses on Earth. Who didn’t? But a lake? What’s down there?
I think I know. It’s Nessie. And I believe that Nessie, as most of my friends can attest, is a Brontosaurus. Or an Apatosaurus. (Name changes bother me. Don’t even get me started on Pluto.) I won’t bore you with all the technical and scientific details of my theory, but rest assured that there is a Loch Ness Monster, she is a dinosaur and now I know where she lives. Go on, prove me wrong.
Also, there’s a tortoise who now has wheels. In Israel. Yup. This gives me great amounts of hope. I’m not sure why or how, but it’s heartening to think that there are still people in the world who will see a lame tortoise and instead of giving up on her will say “Hey! If we strap on some wheels, she can lead a fairly normal life!” For a tortoise. With wheels.
News that does NOT make me happy: the commentary during the Olympics last night (which generally leaves me in a state of “Oh, hush up”) explained that 16 year old Chinese high diver Wang Xin doesn’t like to eat. Oh, okay. An Olympic athlete weighing in at 65lbs doesn’t need fuel to springboard herself into a three story fall? Meanwhile, most Americans are eating more protein and “supplements” than could ever be burned off in a year of running for the train and playing company softball. You don’t enjoy taking in food? Yeah, well, I don’t like peeing, but I hate jaundice even more. It’s one of those annoying tradeoffs.
I’m weary from all of the news. Quick, someone make me a peanut butter and honey sandwich. With bananas. Cut into four triangles. I’m in training, you see.
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