My dearest, darling-est, only Man Cub: Happy Birthday Eve, Jasper. You are so incredibly close to two years old. You are also- at once- a squishy little baby-cheeked toddler and a decidedly stubborn male of the impatient persuasion. You ricochet between neediness (“Mama, Mama come, help you? UP. Mama“) and hittin’ the road, Jack. Fun fact: Did you know that Jack Daniels’ first name is actually Jasper? You’re clearly destined for greatness, distillery or otherwise. You are also destined for {Read More}
I’m doing okay. (Here’s proof.)
December 10, 2015 By 2 Comments
Some days I have an awareness of just how peachy (and downright marvelous) my life actually is. Even when it’s annoying and stupid and exhausting and over-caffeinated. Today is one of those days. Here are just a few of the things I’ve said aloud this morning in slight self-beration of just how okay I really am. I’m doing okay if: …The most frustrating part of my morning is dealing with Target.com returns. I think we can all agree that a) {Read More}
Guilt/Cookies.
December 3, 2015 By 3 Comments
And sometimes your energy and patience and faith in humanity is justallgone. And you look at a picture like this: And you see those faces, completely full of innocence, and you kinda break a little bit inside. Because you don’t want those tiny people to be shot in a public venue, in a private home, not anywhere, ever, and not when they’re grownup, either. You also feel substantial guilt because those faces are growing up in a home with more {Read More}
Puzzles, grief & yelling at screens.
November 23, 2015 By 3 Comments
My Dad and I used to collectively pull out our hair over puzzle games. We uttered angry, not-so-nice words at the computer screen while staring down images of Myst. We reveled in various games’ unlocked achievements, cascaded tiles, deciphered secret codes, and manipulated picture frames that somehow became castle keys. We had entire text conversations which consisted of “This level./I KNOW.” When my Dad first got sick, I sent him The Room, a stunning and immersive game- the kind that made {Read More}
Six. (Like, years.)
October 29, 2015 By 3 Comments
Dear Nora, First off, happy birthday. You are six. You are six. I remember each moment of your arrival- and don’t tell me I don’t, morphine ain’t that great of a drug- because I wanted to meet you so badly. I panicked (and ate salt) throughout eleventy-nine months of a sitcom of a pregnancy (one of the more serious and “real” episodes, obvie). What if I had no idea how to be a Mom? Would I ever be able to {Read More}
Remember to remember this one.
October 26, 2015 By 2 Comments
Every now and again I have a moment of clarity. “Remember this,” I tell myself. And when it’s unaccompanied by pangs of guilt or failure over moments that I’ve already forgotten to remember, that’s when I’m inspired to write it down. So I’m writing it down. I rocked Jasper to half-sleep just now, right before his midday nap. And instead of letting my mind wander towards things I need to do, things I need to want to do, or any {Read More}
Six months later. (A Dad recap.)
October 1, 2015 By 5 Comments
My Dad, my first hero, died six months ago yesterday. Six months. At times, it’s felt like a blur. At others, it’s been an exercise in holding my breath, bracing for the pain, working out the cramps when I can. Sometimes I click on his Spotify icon, just to see if “daveflynn425” has listened to anything of note lately. To see if maybe there’s any record of those daily playlists we listened to during his chemo and hospice time. Like {Read More}
