9:03 p.m.: You know what? I don’t feel good. I bet I’d feel good if I did a cleanse. A really hardcore, greens-only, strictly liquid kinda cleanse. For three whole days. Starting tomorrow morning. 9:04 p.m.: Good Lord, I’m going to look incredible. My skin’ll probably glow, too. 9:05 p.m.: Maybe I’ll eat eggs though. Hard-boiled ones. With absolutely nothing on them. That n’ green juice. Man, I’ll feel great. 9:06 p.m.: Are almonds okay? I think almonds are okay. {Read More}
The night Nora asked for a tattoo.
March 10, 2016 By 5 Comments
I was proud of myself, even though the question caught me off-guard. “Mom, when can I have a tattoo?” My six year-old posed the request and, even though I didn’t really feel like outlining my hopes and dreams and fears for her in the middle of dinner prep, I knew I really didn’t have a choice. The hard parts of motherhood wait for no man’s spinach enchiladas. So. I stepped up and mothered, dammit. I explained the concept of permanence, {Read More}
P.J. creeps at a Victoria’s Secret store.
March 3, 2016 By 1 Comment
P.J. handed me a Victoria’s Secret bag after work last week . This is not super unusual. I know there are a lot of directions we can go with this information, but here’s what you really need to focus on: by handing me these Victoria’s Secret bags (on a near-quarterly basis), P.J. believes he is gaming the system. Still with me? Okay. You know those coupons for free underwear (we do not utter the word “panty” in our household) they mail {Read More}
My nighttime brain in list form.
February 4, 2016 By 2 Comments
Maybe you guys have seen the Reddit/Imgur/HuffPo piece about the Mom’s cartoon rendering of the contents of her brain. It struck a chord with a lot of people- and for good reason. Most women have a gazillion things on their minds at any given time, and if you add the “Mom” layer, it’s an especially confusing and special jumble of thoughts. So to that end, I wrote out roughly a quarter of the phrases that worked their way through my {Read More}
Step off, grossness. (Please.)
December 14, 2015 By 1 Comment
germsgergermsI give. I’m waving the white flag. I’m throwing antiques out of burning buildings. I’m praying to tiny vials of penicillin. “Wait ’til you see the germs they pick up in kindergarten,” they said. “I know germs,” I told them loftily. I’ve nannied. Had children. Sent them to preschool. Watched them put that door handle in their mouths- stop putting that door in your mouths, you guys. But “they” were right. Colds, viruses, flus, streps (yes, multiple streps) rage through {Read More}
#NotSorryNotSorry
December 7, 2015 By 1 Comment
I wrote a lengthy, borderline whiny post last night for today’s publication about how much I hate the hashtag #sorrynotsorry. And I just went ahead and deleted it. Because we’ve all got our own bad habits and linguistic shorthands, don’t we? And it’s not my place to tell you- or anyone- how to connect or communicate or not in this world. (Even if I think it sounds stupid.) So one passable night’s sleep later, here are the takeaways from what I think {Read More}
If you give a Mom a messy spice cabinet.
October 19, 2015 By Leave a Comment
I was trapped in the kitchen yesterday. All day. And I pretty much loved it. I’d like to say I have no idea how it happened, except I totally do; I was looking for garam masala spice and I noticed that my spice cabinet was out of sorts. Frankly, it was a bloodbath. Spices jars in the spice carousel were borderline empty, while their multiple (multiple!!) refill jars lay sideways towards the back. Smallish piles of salt abounded on both {Read More}
Parental failure: Apple orchard edition.
September 28, 2015 By 4 Comments
I’m starting to see a pattern. There are ideas- really, really good ideas- that get into my head. And even if they don’t jive with my current reality, once I’ve decided that THIS is the plan, then buster: We’re sticking with the plan. So when it falls apart spectacularly, I shouldn’t be surprised. But I always am. Loudly. With tears. Which brings us to Sunday! P.J. and I- we– had decided to go apple picking. In Indiana. Because we always {Read More}
